Despite having heard the Kaddish recited hundreds of times in my life, I never actually focused on the meaning of the text. I never took the time to connect the words to the circumstances they were tied to. In fact, I discovered that there is no obvious connection to grief, loss, or mourning. Instead, there is praise.
I find there is a cognitive dissonance of sorts inherent in this juxtaposition of exaltation and pain, one that I grapple with and struggle to reconcile every single day. God is great, He is in control, but He has also taken her away. Some days it's hard to mean the words I say, or even get them out of my mouth but I don't break. I get through it.
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